Rain on me.

I stand on the porch in front of a gray lake, rain coming down. The smell is rain, pine, lake, sand, old wood in the cabin. It's beautiful but the ugliest side of my character is spoiling what could be a lovely moment. Our disorganized lives are poured out on the kitchen table. I can't find anything without a lot of searching. I complain and let my feelings shower themselves all over my family; not a pleasant rain shower, a hail storm. Icy words come out of my mouth that I regret instantly and pelt my kids without warning. My husband gets the largest of the hailstones, but he stands as a rock as usual. Correcting me, pointing me to the blessings, and then just goes to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day. No moving, no driving, no empty house, no racing around, just me and kids and my rock of a husband, dog, lake, rocks, and woods.

Thank you God for this place. Thank you for the situation you have put me in. Let the rain that comes out of me be soothing showers of your goodness, and let the fragrance of it afterwards remain all day.

Listen, you heavens, and I will speak; hear, you earth, the words of my mouth.

Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass like abundant rain on tender plants.

I will proclaim the name of the Lord. Oh, praise the greatness of our God!

Deuteronomy 32

Out with the old on with new.

It is so gut wrenching leaving our church, home, neighborhood, friends, schools, parks, belongings (for the time being), and traditions that can only be held in this home behind. God is asking us to go so I want to be encouraged, not discouraged. He knows when and where we are going, we shouldn't be sad, just devoted. My prayer on this Sunday morning is "God help me to follow you with reckless abandon and encouragement."

Jesus said to him, "You stll lack one thing. sell all that you have...and come, follow Me." But when he heard this, he became very sorrowful, for he was very rich.

Luke 18:22-23

Are distress cries heard?

My father was here yesterday and told us how he was surprised by a wolf near his lake cabin very recently. He had never heard such barking/howling noises so he looked up wolves on the net. He discovered that the howling noises were typical of a young wolf in distress. I wonder if the rest of the pack was nearby and heard its cries for help. Does a wolf get lost? I don't know, but I do. Does my heavenly father hear my cries of distress? Yes he does, I know he does.



Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.

Psalm 55:17

Waiting as a way of life.

This time last year we were waiting in Moscow. The waiting was excruciating but when it was over, we brought home a huge blessing, our daughter Katya. We know that this time of waiting will bring blessings too.

I feel like God is waiting on me, so he can bless me when the time is right. I should at least give Him the courtesy of waiting without complaint since he waits on me so much.

Therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious unto you...blessed are all they that wait for him.

Isaiah 30:18

Just another day.

Stopped running and packing just long enough to pick roses from my garden for the last time. I've packed up all my gardening tools and pots. Wrapped all my mosaics and boxed them for their next journey. To storage they'll go first and then wait, just like we are. Waiting is irritating and yet freeing sometimes. The freedom is in how I wait. If I wait patiently, my worries are eliminated. Today, I wait patiently for what the next day will bring.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. Psalm 37:7

Blessings in the Valley

Dare to share...a friend recently asked my son if I was still alive, so I pondered the idea of sharing out loud what I'm going through these days. Not that what I'm doing has any great significance; but any new experience shared with others can be a wonderful thing. I guess maybe "new experience" doesn't quite describe moving for us but this time things are different.

We don't know where we are going. Do we ever?

"He went out, not knowing where he was going."

Hebrews 11:8

We think we do... "hey Mom, I'm moving from Wyoming to California, we are moving from California to Colorado, we are moving from Colorado to California...we are moving to Fargo, North Dakota from California, we are moving from Fargo to ???

I'd like to believe and not have an intense need to know where I'm going to be living a month from now. I'd like my trust in the Lord to be so real that I just go on about my days like the little birdies. And then it would be so great to have that trust manifest itself in a way that is conducive to being a nuturing mother and a supportive wife. But...I'm kind of whiny and find myself with situational depression.

I have to pack up my life. I can take the boxes of stuff but I can't take the door frame that documents 5 years of my kids' growth with me to.. wherever.

I can take our lawn furniture, but I can't take the view from my kitchen window.

I can take the truth with me.

My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace, nor even blessing, but Himself, my God. Oswald Chambers